The Pressure's On...

Hello lovelies,

Marriage. It's a topic that seems to be following me every single day lately. Probably because I am a 26, with my first degree and the next "logical" step is to get married. Almost every little girl dreams of her fairy tale wedding. Complete with a shit ton of guests, the perfect matching napkins, flawless make-up and of course your prince charming standing at the end of the aisle.

Yea, I didn't dream of that. I pushed marriage out of my head at a really young age for a very, very long time. Instead of a white dress, I dreamed of multiple graduation gowns. Instead of man's last name behind my first, I wanted either J.D. or Dr. to accompany my last.

 Then the last semester of my Bachelor's came and I realized that a good portion of the friends were engaged, getting married, already married or in serious relationships. Log onto Facebook and every other day a new "blah girl is engaged [or married] to blah boy". I started to re-think my career decisions, my choice of life style...everything. All because I really started to see that the pressure (seemed) to be on for me to have my shit together, settle down and get married.

Let's just say I snapped out of that mindset real fast.  Don't get me wrong, I am happy for anyone who decides to make that leap. Good for you. Marriage really is a beautiful thing. I am lucky that my parents are still married and I can see first hand what it really means to be married and love someone unconditionally, even if they don't deserve it sometimes. What I am not okay with is society basically telling me that I need to be at that point right now. I have had women flat out  tell me that I should be in that mindset. Or confused, because I don't want to get married right now. Why? because my "clock" is ticking or I am not getting any younger. Some of you may be thinking "well that's just lingering feelings from older generations". Nope some of these are girls my own age, even younger.

I realize that this post is not really related to online dating.  However, it is related to dating in general. Sometimes we get so wrapped in the fairy tale ending that we forget to have fun in our relationships. We place these huge expectations and timelines that makes us forget to live and learn about each other at a normal pace. It makes me sad, really. Trust me this doesn't only apply to marriage. I was so concentrated on making a name for myself that I forgot to live. I became this mean, cold, distant person because I gave myself an artificial timeline. Which, by the way I am pretty far from at this point. However, I am okay with that, life happens.

 I need to say that I, Tia, am okay with not being married right now. That I do not feel like I need to pressure the person who I am dating to to put a ring on my finger because that's what's "suppose" to happen. Would it be nice one day? Yea, one day when I am not living paycheck to paycheck. When I can come home every day from a career that I love and know I am making a difference at. When I know that BOTH of us are ready mentally, physically and financially for that next step. Could be in 2 years could be in 10, I have no idea and I don't CARE right now. Why should I add that extra pressure to a relationship? It paints people into an artificial box that can lead to resentment. I've seen it first hand., many times. I've experienced it and it does not feel good. I don't want to be painted into a box and I sure as hell don't want to lose the man that I love because I keep saying "so uhh when we getting married?".

What do you think? Do you feel pressured to get married? Heck, maybe you like the pressure? Let's have a conversation.

Until then, I need chocolate and to catch up on Doctor Who.