Friday, June 21, 2013

All good things must come to an end...

Hello beautifuls,

Today's post is not a story, or an advice column, or a sarcastic post about how pig headed men can be (though ladies, we can be quite the pigs also). Nope, this is just my final farewell post.

There comes a time in a young blogger's life when you just have to hang up the space bar. Nah, I'm just moving on to another project that will be part of my ultimate life goal that involves getting more underrepresented students to college.

I pretty much stopped writing because I left the online dating world to finally "settle" down and honestly I kinda ran out of stories. It's been a lot of fun sharing my unfortunate mishaps with you guys. I hope out of the 4,000 views this blog has gotten, at least half of them got a a laugh, smile or at least a "well, my dating life isn't THAT bad" out of you.

Ok nevermind, here's some advice...

1. Be vulnerable. 

"The hell Tia? Since when have you been vulnerable!?" Just recently actually. Open yourself and allow yourself to be happy. This doesn't just apply to dating. It applies to every aspect of our lives. Friends, family, our careers, new experiences. I, for one, HATE being vulnerable. It's scary as shit and my friends can tell you that I call them frequently freaking out about it. Being vulnerable means that someone else has the power to control how you're feeling at any given moment without your permission. Bullshit, right? It also means that in that instant that you're being vulnerable it can open us up to some amazing times, conversations and self-discovery. Let me tell you from experience, to be closed off and close minded is a lonely place that will just leave you bitter and you will continue to have horror date stories until you get over yourself and brush that chip off your shoulder. Yes, we all have had our hearts broken. We have had our hearts ripped out of our chests and our dreams smashed, sometimes in the matter of minutes.  Some of us are still reeling from that man who cheated on us, or left without an explanation. Maybe we are the ones that fucked up and we are still in the process coming to terms with it and forgiving ourselves. Find out what is getting you so down and bitter and work through it. Be honest with yourself and find someone who won't judge you for your past. It will be hard, you will cry and your friends will wonder what the hell is wrong with you, but ultimately you'll be a happier and enlightened individual. At least that's the goal.

2. Try stuff. 

A dear friend and mentor of mine recently passed away. It was hard for me because she was an amazing woman who is partially responsible for the woman I am today. Whenever I  told her I wanted to do something, no matter how drastic it was, she simply said, "Then do it, you know you can". I envy my Facebook friends who seem to go off and do all of these amazing things and trips and have so many awesome experiences. Finally I realized I needed to stop being envious and just do stuff and have fun and not such a stick in the mud about it. You have to do stuff guys. I know that sounds trivial, but if you're on a date and he suggests something off the wall that you couldn't see yourself doing before, why don't you just do it? If it's illegal, don't do it, that's stupid...seriously. You think you're not the camping type because you haven't gone since you were 8 years old. For God's sake, go on the damn trip now that you're 22 and dating a hottie. Experience nature from a new perspective you may learn something. This last Spring Break I was helping track down and recover a damn weather balloon down in the middle of nowhere Ohio. It was probably the most fun I have had in awhile. Just go out and have fun! Make a fun story out of your life!

3. We are all stories in the end...

The Doctor said it best when he said "We are all stories in the end" (yes, I am quite the nerd these days, can you tell?). It wasn't until I graduated from college when I really understood what this meant. It's easy for us to judge and point and laugh and say "psft I would have never done it that way" or "how could she/he do that...!" I really think as a society we need to stop and take a look at ourselves. Every single person handles life differently as as it comes at us and who are we to judge how someone else runs their lives?  I realize this is a lesson that will probably never happen to the majority of our society. I guess I can just hope to pass this down to any child that happens to come out of me. So the next time you hear or see a strange situation, don't instantly think "I'm better than you because I wouldn't do it that way", just walk away and think "Eh, just different, whatever". Even if you see a woman shaving her face during rush hour traffic, yes her face. It's different, but eh, maybe she didn't have time to shave at home and she had a very important interview she was about to be late too. We just never know ;).

That is all I have for you. Thank you for joining me on this journey and reading my non-sense. I hope you all find what makes you happy. Whether it's a man (or girl) to share those life experiences with, a new career, or something as simple as a new comic to look forward to every week. All I ask is you find your happy.



Wednesday, May 22, 2013

For the love of....COMICS!

Hello beautiful interweb peeps,

I hope everyone is doing lovely. I'm sure many of you are finishing up finals, papers or getting ready to graduate! If  you're getting ready to graduate, CONGRATULATIONS! You no longer have college to blame for your alcohol habit.

Today I shall talk about comics. YAY! As some of you may have gathered, I have a new found hobby of comic collecting. My collection is a dash of Green Arrow, a lot of Storm story arcs, a bunch of Skottie Young variant covers (I'm obsessed) and, a few other random comics here and there. So how the hell does a 26 year-old woman get into comic collecting? Oh you know a cute boy with a killer smile. Really, I got tired of being thoroughly confused when he'd go off on a 30 min tangent about The Scarlet Spider and I had no idea who or what he was talking about.

Today's post are just a few tips on dating someone who may be into that kind of thing. You never know when you are perusing through those online profiles and come across a cutie who happens to list comics in his interest section. Trust me you'll catch his attention immediately if you say something along the lines of "Sooo that Amazing Spider-man #700, was kinda crazy right?" or "Have you seen the Zebra Batman??" (Really, go look that one up, it's hilarious). 

1. Don't knock it, till you try it. 

I'll be honest, before when I heard about someone collecting comics, I did have this preconceived notion about the kind of people who collect and get excited about comics. In retrospect that's really dumb and juvenile. Don't pass someone up online that seems to be super into comics (or some other nerdy quirk), just because you really don't understand it. Trust me that's not what their entire life is all about. Just half of it (seriously). 

2. Ask. 

Simple right?  Don't try to fake it, till you make it. You'll look pretty dumb and he'll know, trust me. Not to mention he'll be so excited to tell you the entire history of the X-men if you ask. Also, here is where you will find out exactly what comics he does like and has and use that to your advantage when an anniversary, birthday, holiday or any gift exchanging event comes along. First Appearance or key issue comics are always good things to keep in mind. If he's a Green Arrow fan, maybe find out if he has a More Fun Comics #73. Maybe he loves Spider-Man, go put a bid in for an Amazing Spider-Man #300 (even better if it's signed by Stan Lee). BUT make sure you ask! Don't walk into a comic shop and just say "Well, I  think he likes Justice League" and then you buy a "New 52" comic that he probably already has and isn't worth much.

3. Find Your Niche.  

Now, I am not saying you need to actually start collecting. I'm just saying go do a little research and find a character or a series of comics that you think are interesting. If you like strong female characters, go read some Wonder Woman or Zatanna. If you're into sarcastic characters and humor, pick up some Deadpool. You don't have to buy the comics, go on and browse through the hundreds of character archives and bios on there. Also, pick up a graphic novel. If you've always been a Batman fan as a kid, read up on the different versions of Batman. Trust me there's a lot and it's confusing. Maybe try to understand the difference between the DC Universe, Earth 1 and Earth 2. Or why the hell there are so man damn Green Lanterns! Heck, if that's too much for you, take the latest super hero movie and try to get some background on it before you see the movie.

3. Talk about it! 

Once you have found your niche, talk about it with him. Yea sure you still may not know what the heck you're talking about but he will appreciate that you not only took the time to explore his interest, and you found something you can get excited about too. Something as simple as "I've noticed that Spider-Man wears a black suit sometimes, what is that all about" can be a really fun conversation. Also the answer to that question is pretty interesting ;).

4. Understand the Lingo. 

There will always be a unique set of words and phrases associated with a hobby or interest. At the very least, learn what those are. He may ask you to pick up 'bags and boards' on your way home from picking up dinner and you should know what that is. He's not talking about bags from the store or boards from Home Depot. You should probably know what a 'variant' cover is. Some can be worth a lot of money and make your comic nerd very happy if you come up on any he's into.

And there you have it. My tips on dating someone who's into comics. Now if you'll excuse me I have comics that desperately need to be organized and archived.

Is there a cool hobby you're into that has put off potential mates? What other tips do you have for dating a nerd?? Any future topics you'd like to see? 


Sunday, May 5, 2013

The Pressure's On...

Hello lovelies,

Marriage. It's a topic that seems to be following me every single day lately. Probably because I am a 26, with my first degree and the next "logical" step is to get married. Almost every little girl dreams of her fairy tale wedding. Complete with a shit ton of guests, the perfect matching napkins, flawless make-up and of course your prince charming standing at the end of the aisle.

Yea, I didn't dream of that. I pushed marriage out of my head at a really young age for a very, very long time. Instead of a white dress, I dreamed of multiple graduation gowns. Instead of man's last name behind my first, I wanted either J.D. or Dr. to accompany my last.

 Then the last semester of my Bachelor's came and I realized that a good portion of the friends were engaged, getting married, already married or in serious relationships. Log onto Facebook and every other day a new "blah girl is engaged [or married] to blah boy". I started to re-think my career decisions, my choice of life style...everything. All because I really started to see that the pressure (seemed) to be on for me to have my shit together, settle down and get married.

Let's just say I snapped out of that mindset real fast.  Don't get me wrong, I am happy for anyone who decides to make that leap. Good for you. Marriage really is a beautiful thing. I am lucky that my parents are still married and I can see first hand what it really means to be married and love someone unconditionally, even if they don't deserve it sometimes. What I am not okay with is society basically telling me that I need to be at that point right now. I have had women flat out  tell me that I should be in that mindset. Or confused, because I don't want to get married right now. Why? because my "clock" is ticking or I am not getting any younger. Some of you may be thinking "well that's just lingering feelings from older generations". Nope some of these are girls my own age, even younger.

I realize that this post is not really related to online dating.  However, it is related to dating in general. Sometimes we get so wrapped in the fairy tale ending that we forget to have fun in our relationships. We place these huge expectations and timelines that makes us forget to live and learn about each other at a normal pace. It makes me sad, really. Trust me this doesn't only apply to marriage. I was so concentrated on making a name for myself that I forgot to live. I became this mean, cold, distant person because I gave myself an artificial timeline. Which, by the way I am pretty far from at this point. However, I am okay with that, life happens.

 I need to say that I, Tia, am okay with not being married right now. That I do not feel like I need to pressure the person who I am dating to to put a ring on my finger because that's what's "suppose" to happen. Would it be nice one day? Yea, one day when I am not living paycheck to paycheck. When I can come home every day from a career that I love and know I am making a difference at. When I know that BOTH of us are ready mentally, physically and financially for that next step. Could be in 2 years could be in 10, I have no idea and I don't CARE right now. Why should I add that extra pressure to a relationship? It paints people into an artificial box that can lead to resentment. I've seen it first hand., many times. I've experienced it and it does not feel good. I don't want to be painted into a box and I sure as hell don't want to lose the man that I love because I keep saying "so uhh when we getting married?".

What do you think? Do you feel pressured to get married? Heck, maybe you like the pressure? Let's have a conversation.

Until then, I need chocolate and to catch up on Doctor Who.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Worlds away...

Hello lovelies,

This post comes to you after a conversations I've had with a bunch of people, from strangers to family to friends.

You've gone on so many dates with more local guys than you can count. You could probably fill a book with how many dud dates you've been on. Then this really awesome guy messages you. You talk for hours upon hours, day after day. Then BAM you realize you've fallen for someone clear across the country or the world. Well shit. Now what? Now you're faced with the dreaded long distance relationship scenario.

The interweb has a way of making us feel so close, yet so far from people. It's a curse and a blessing. Online dating brings so many people together in one virtual space where everyone is simultaneously looking for their chance at true love at the same time. That sounded kinda corny and out of character, but you get what I'm saying. Sometimes that person who you finally made a deep connection with, is far. The kind of far that has you catching a red eye flight on Virgin Atlantic. Which I just learned has free booze even for economy seats. Kudos to Virgin who know what the people want!!

Random people and friends have asked me, "Well, isn't a long distance relationship hard? I don't think I could do that."

My answer? Yes, it is hard. It's incredibly hard. Arguably one of the hardest things you may ever have to do in your entire life. You'll have to compromise, a lot. You'll have to be ready to work, tirelessly. You have to be ready to accept that you may only get to hug them a few times a year. That a weekend is all you get to pack in the memories, pictures and playful flirting. You'll have to work through miscommunications and nights or days when you just don't talk, because...well life. You'll have to accept that you can't drive to their house at the drop of a dime when life really sucks and all you want is a tub of ice cream and a cuddle. You'll become an expert navigator at your local airport (actually, that may be a perk. lol). Be ready to face insecurities, jealousy issues,and trust issues head on.

So all that sucks. Why the hell would anyone want to put themselves through that? Well  to be honest, I don't know. However, talk to anyone in a long distance relationship and they will likely say something along the lines of  "Well I love him/her, so it's worth it."  Yes it's scary (and expensive). The odds aren't staked in your favor. Sometimes it does feel like you're more likely to be asked to become a member of The Justice League than actually making a long distance relationship work. But, it is worth it...usually. If anything you will learn so much about yourself as a person, that you probably wouldn't have gotten from any other relationship.

I've had two long distance relationships. The first one ended terribly. The second one is a story in the making. It's difficult, to say the least. There are things that I have to work on. Have I accepted everything I said above? Most of them I have. I've had time to accept them. I'm working on some of the points I made though. What I can tell you is for me, it's worth it, 100%. In short, he makes me happy and that's really all that matters at the end of the day.

And yes, I met him online. Back in the day when it was quite common to see the letters 'a/s/l' at the beginning of a conversation.

Moral of the story? If you find someone who you you've fallen for and you're faced with the prospects of a long distance relationship, give it a shot. Plunge into the unknown, sometimes the gifts it yields are larger than life.

Till next time,
happy hunting

This picture was so awkward, I had to share it. 

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Stood Up Lately?


Two posts, two days in a row! Whoa that's a record even for me!

Today I bring you a story, that I completely forgot about until I was talking to a dear from college who was able to pull it out of my subconscious.

About three years ago I was semi seeing this dude. He was super busy and always traveling so it was bound to never work. But he could hold his liquor and was good company for awhile. My priorities were a bit skewed back then. Anyways, one night we make plans  to hang out and catch up after not seeing each other for almost a month.

The night we planned comes, I text him about an hour before to make sure he wasn't flaking on me (which he had a tendency of doing because of work). 30 minutes goes by and no response. An hour comes and goes, 3 hours comes and goes...nothing. He never showed up. Naturally, I had a combination of panic and pure irritation.

The next day happens and I still haven't heard from him. Of course I text him to see what was going but all of my texts went unanswered. Finally, after a week of not hearing him I decided to let it go and move on. He drifted off into space to the point of no return. I kinda figured he got back with his ex or ended up being somewhere for work for a long time and his phone was swallowed up by a shark while he was deep sea diving?  I don't know, I was over it.

2 months pass and I get a text message from a mysterious number that says something along the lines of "hey this is Stan [yea, that's a fake name]. I am so sorry about a couple months ago, I was in a coma"

...Now anyone who knows me, can probably figure out my facial expression and initial response at this point. I mean really, I've heard a lot of excuses and been stood up a good amount of times, but being in coma, I was impressed.

As the conversation went on I realized he was actually telling the truth. He got into a terrible car accident the night before we were suppose to hang out and was in a coma for 2 weeks. Pair that a bad broken leg and arm and probably a bunch of other stuff. Naturally, I felt like an asshole by the end of this conversation and while I had no intentions of seeing him anymore we did met up for dinner a couple nights later to clear the air and just decided it's best to be friends from that point forward.

So the moral of the story? Sometimes, ladies, when a guy mysteriously doesn't text you back, like ever, even after a really good first date. Maybe call around to the local hospitals, he could just be in a coma and there may still be a future for you two yet! Right after physical therapy and probably some counseling.

Anyone else have funny (or many not so funny) stories about being stood up?

Till we meet again,

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Isn't that weird?

Hello lovelies,

My life has consisted of school and work with a dash of traveling. Spring break is here and I'm finding myself cramming all my work into 3 days so I can actually enjoy my Spring Break trip. Even though the destination of said trip is far from the usual sunny and Cancun like experience. No 'Girls Gone Wild' experiences here! My Dad would be proud. Lol.

Today's post comes to you because of a question I'm always asked when the topic of  online dating comes up. My  line of work allows me to do a lot of public speaking. I am so fortunate to meet so many amazing and inspirational people who want to do just as much good as I want to for my community.

Once an event is over, I find myself spending time with the people over food and drinks. As the drinks flow and the finger foods disappear from our tiny plates the topic of dating (or marriage) usually comes up. No matter the age, race, gender, or sexual orientation, it seems to have a way of creeping into the conversation. I also noticed that there's a very high likelihood that someone at the table met their significant other with the help of the internet. At this point people begin sharing horror stories, their own stories, their friend of a friend of a cousin's stories, etc. Being the low-level and inconsistent blogger than I am, I typically interject with something along the lines of,  "Oh yea online dating is fun. So much fun I had to write a blog about it".

Online dating in 2013 is a lot different than it was say 10 or even 5 years ago. It's becoming okay to say, "Oh we met online on [insert website here]", without having to make up an intricate lie about how you really met (been there done that). In a lot of these online dating situations they may not meet their love interests for weeks, month, or even years. But, despite the lack of the initial physical contact they are still developing very real feelings for someone that they probably only know as a voice, Facebook message or occasional Skype chat. Yup, that's quite a complicated situation to be in. MTV Catfish anyone?

So yes, relationships beginning online, while complicated at times, are becoming more common these days. But that doesn't mean that people won't judge you for it. Let's go back to my hypothetical post-conference setting.

INT. APPLEBEE'S - NIGHT (Hehe yup, I was a film major for a split second as a freshman)
Cool person 1: "Oh that's nice you met your boyfriend online! That wasn't weird??"
Me (usually in defense for someone else): "Well it's not so much weird as it is semi-unconventional. As long as you're safe, stick to what you want in a mate by not compromising your standards, and also have a good grasp on who you are as a person.  You really don't have to much to be worried about"
Cool person 4: "But what if they are a weirdo and you get murdered, like by the Craig's list killer?!"
Me:  "Well then that sounds like a great plot line for an episode of Criminal Minds, don't you think?
I've never actually said that last line. Seriously though, I get the question a lot. I've also gotten the murder line more times than I can count as well. Even some of my friends have suggested how "weird" it is. Yes, I will admit it is a bit out of the ordinary to meet someone online. However, I also think it's amazing that the phrase "there are plenty of fish in the sea"  has a whole new meaning.  Why does it have to be weird for two people who would have never crossed paths to make a real connection before the prospects of meeting is every mentioned? It's so cool to see so many websites geared towards specific interests even for people who would probably have a hard time in mainstream dating.

Is safety a concern in these situations? Yes and I have given plenty of friend's advice on the first offline meet up. Please try to refrain from being a late night news story and the top 'have you seen me' shared story on Facebook. It really would not be a good idea to run off with the first guy who made you feel pretty without ever confirming he is who he says he is. We live in the Google age, use it. On the flip side, how many stories have we seen where two people meet the "normal" way, date for awhile and get married. Only to find out a year later that they are living a secret life with three kids and a wife in Maui, have the Chinese mob after them for unpaid gambling debt and wanted for murder in Nepal? You get the point.

So there you have it. NO, it's not weird that you met your mate online and screw anyone who tries to tell you otherwise.

I leave you with a bit of nerd humor. Anyone else as excited as I am for the Doctor Who premiere next Saturday!?

Till next time,

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Picture Fail


Yes, yes I know I have denied many of you the joys of laughing at my unfortunate love life. However, I’m willing to bet that you are doing just fine laughing at your own love lives. Am I right? It’s okay to nod. I won’t judge.

Before I begin, I need to note that I am still out of the online dating game; I don’t even have an active profile anywhere. I’m quite content where I stand in my love life. That said, I was browsing my ideas folder and found a lot of material to work with…so here we go!

My Top 5 Profile Picture Annoyances

The Middle Finger

Remember in 5th grade when you and your friends learned what the middle finger was and it was the coolest thing to do until the end of 5th grade? Yea, well that’s about how you look if you’re sticking up your middle finger, expecting to find a woman to take you seriously. It’s trashy, just put your hand down next time you snap a photo.  

Your Car
Dear God, does this drive me insane (no pun intended). Now, let me begin by saying that I think it’s fantastic that the potential date has a vehicle, A rare find in the online dating world. I do not think it’s fantastic that it’s the first thing I see before I even click on their screen name. I didn't realize that OKCupid also doubles as a cars classified section. I mean, come on guys! Why do you think we want to see 5-20 pictures of your 2001 Honda Accord?  

 You want some of that? 
Internet Memes

Anyone who knows me knows that I’m kind of addicted to the internet. It’s a problem…really. Who doesn't like a good, “Y U NO” meme? I don’t like when it’s the main picture! Yes, it shows you might have a sense of humor. It also shows that you’re too chicken shit to actually take the time to put up a decent picture of yourself. If I wanted to click through an endless supply of memes, I’d go to Pinterest. Thanks though! 

Posing with a Female in a Not so Platonic Way

Believe it or not, I've seen this a lot. Let’s paint a picture for you now…take a good looking man (insert race here), posing for a picture (let’s say a party?), with a woman KISSING him! YES! Please explain to me, WHY this is even considered as a main picture. The only time that this is ok is if you’re on craigslist... and…well I’ll let your imagination go wild. Once, I responded to the message of said person’s photo and his response was “Oh, well I liked my smile in it”. Seriously…gah. moving on.

You get the picture. 

Baby Pictures

There's a serious creep factor for a man to post a picture of himself when he was a mere 5 years-old. What’s worse is he expects me to click on the photo because he thinks I’ll be mesmerized by his adorable dimples? Maybe, I’m alone in this opinion, but if I click on John Doe’s toddler photo, that is a red flag that I may be a pedophile. A label I don’t ever want associated with my name. What would that message to him look like anyways, “Hey! Nice tricycle!!”

It happens. 

 There you have it!!  English Nazis', I apologize ahead of time for the grammar, spelling and sentence structure. It's 4:30 a.m. and my eyes are trying to be sneaky and close on me for the evening.  

Happy dating lovelies! <3 nbsp="nbsp" p="p">