"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"

Hello Beautifuls!!

My sister and I are on the phone today and she gets a questionable message from a guy who messaged her in the past that said something along the lines of..."I'm sorry I'm a lying piece of shit, I used this website to cheat on my girlfriend..." Granted, these were not the exact words, but you get the gist. So, she got curious and was met with THIS amazing profile!

Note: the other captions said...'me and my girlfriend who I cheated on using this site', 'I will never see this girl again, because I'm an idiot', and finally, my personal favorite 'I'm a pervert', 


Then you to find this, wonderfully typed, short, and sweet message for all the single women on the internet by said ex-girlfriend:

I wish I can find this woman and give her a standing ovation and buy her drinks all night! I know a few of my friends would pitch in and some of their friends and so forth!

You ma'am are today's...Bad Ass Woman! 


Boys what have we learned today?
1. Don't cheat!
2. Be careful if you call a woman psycho, because it is likely that she will show you psycho given the chance that you royally screw up.
and
3. Clear your browsing history, cache, and temp files and NEVER save your passwords if you're cheating on your girlfriend using the internet! (haha) 

THANK YOU, times a million!

      This post would have came to you 2 weeks ago, except my computer decided it wanted to throw a tantrum and crash on me. She is still sitting somewhere in a hot and humid warehouse in the middle of Kentucky, probably gutted while it waits for her operation (aka hard drive).Maybe, one of my unsuspecting victims caught word on my lil' blog project and decided to reap havoc?

So yea...that happened, sadness. 

       But the important part is that YOU guys have helped to bring my blog to over 1,000 views!!!! THANK YOU, THANK YOU THANK YOU. I hope someone is finding a laugh out of my posts and maybe a lil' bit of insight into your own dating lives. I have a couple ideas that are brewing in my brain but I haven't be able to put a witty twist to them quite yet.

Till then, I shall share with you a picture of the fellow who sent me a message about 2 weeks ago and
bid you farewell 'til next time!

Winner, winner chicken dinner!

Happy hunting! :)

"Compliments cost nothing"

While I find enjoyment out of my sneak attack insults on so many unsuspecting men online, I also feel a bit bad for the men who seem like great guys but I'm just not interested in.

Sometimes I get messages that just make me smile and renew my hope that there are decent men out there. Men who treat women like a human being instead of a video girl from a Lil' Wayne song.

Couple weeks ago, I got such a message.
He was very polite and simply said...

"I know I will probably not get a message back, but I wanted to compliment you on your amazing smile. You seem like a very cool person and you will make a man very lucky someday to call you his girlfriend"

Of course, I wrote back to him! Granted he was nothing at all that I'd date**. I thanked him for his message and we had a decent conversation before I had to head off and do something with my life, like work or something like that.

Take home message?:
Yes, SOME men are assholes. Yes, some, act like they're trained by a pack of horny wolves and test your limits until you post stupid sappy shit on Facebook that no one cares about (hey, I'm guilty of this one too). However, there ARE good men out there. Usually right under our noses. Maybe it's the guy who listened to all your boy problems for so many years just waiting for his one chance, or the neighbor who always seems to be right there when you need a jump for your car, or a cup of sugar; or that barista who  remembers your exact sugar to coffee ratio. Keep those eyes open...Prince Charming could be lurking around the corner somewhere (hmmm...that's a creepy mental picture I just conjured up.)

One of those toads, are bound to be a prince.

**Note: I do not see myself as anyone who is over the top special or above anyone else. I'm your (sorta) normal, geeky, mixed race girl, who has an average body and proportions, is semi-educated and living in a suburb in a not-so-known city in California BUT I do have amazing hair! I don't just dismiss guys because I think I only deserve Channing Tatum look-a-likes. 

Ugly Stick

Well hello there fellow dater,

     Summer is finally upon us! I hope you guys are all ready for the summer flings and juicy stories to tell your friends! I know I am! Except, I shall always share my juicy stories with you guys. :)

     Getting repeat messages from the same guy over and over again, is a bit obnoxious, right? Now, I understand technology can be annoying at times and not send messages for a myriad of reasons. What I don't understand is why they feel they need to send multiple messages days apart from each other. My record for the most messages received and I never replied? 10. Yea, annoying.

     So now I will bring you to the message(s) I received tonight. This guy sent me 4 messages today. All generally saying the same thing. I finally sent a simple "no" message to him.

He then proceeded to call me a bunch of nasty names ranging from a female dog to the n-word.

Now, granted I should have blocked him at that point, BUT I felt the need to stick up for myself tonight, so I  sent him this...

"You boys sure get feisty when you've been rejected, I do hope you know you're the one who wanted ME so badly all day". 

He then says

 "B*** your lucky I sent you a message, I just felt sorry for your ugly a**" 

I know I'm not the most beautiful swan in the pond and not everyone will find me as angelic and wonderful as I see myself (lol), BUT really now? Let me just add that he was U-G-L-Y!!!!!!

Anyone else have any good stories about a guy flippin' a 180 once you've rejected them?

Till next time!!

Surprise x-mas present for our fellow? 

Yuppie, who?

Well hello there internet world,

      I hope everyone is doing well on this lovely Monday, wherever you are reading this from. It's a nice mid 70's day in Southern California :)

      Anyways, I just wanted to throw a quick post at you. I'm working on a bigger "project" that will (hopefully) be posted by the end of the week.

      Today I open my mailbox to a message from someone who sent me a nice 2 word message...

I think he meant *sell

...Now I am assuming he is referring to my preference in white men. As I said before, I'm use to the insults, but come on now! At least when you're insulting me, use the correct form of the word! 

Typically when I receive messages like that I ignore them, but I felt an obligation to correct his word choice. He had this to say...

Source: UrbanDictionary "Yuppie": An arrogant (usually white) well put together young urban professional. You will likely find them wearing Gucci and Prada and bragging about their large bank account.

Source: UrbanDictionary

"Yuppie": An arrogant (usually white) well put together young urban professional. You will likely find them wearing Gucci and Prada and bragging about their large bank account.

      Let's just break this down a bit. The only thing Gucci or high priced items I own are 2 small bottles of perfume that I bought on SALE at Ross, my bank account has been in the negative for almost three weeks now and I am an after-school tutor. So points "DeNutt" for profiling me, when's the wedding!?!

     Is it sad that I actually get excited when I receive a message that has little to no grammatical or spelling mistakes, with correct puncuation and words that are above the remedial high school level? If that makes me a yuppie, then damn it, bring it on! 

Here's a toast to myself and all of my fellow educated women out there! 

Cheers!

Till next time!  

First Impression Fail

Hello daters!

First impressions are everything.
How many times has this happened to you?
You get an e-mail that someone has "checked you out" or "messaged" you or clicked the "Meet Me" option.
Then you get curious/excited and click the hyperlink to his profile.
THEN...you get to said destination, read through it; and it's just eh, nothing special or magical, just...meh.
This happens all to often to me. Over the years I have developed a particular annoyance to certain things on men's profiles. This post is dedicated to just a couple of them.

1. Where have we heard that from?

      Does this sound familiar?  "My friends say I have an easy-going personality, I workout, listen to music, watch movies and just chill.." Yup that sure does sound familiar! That's because that's what's written on 70% of profiles on any online dating website whether it is a free or paid site.
Here is how I translate this generic disaster:
"My friend's say I have an easy-going personality"-- I'm socially awkward, please message me! 
"I workout" -- Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, YEA! Oh LMFAO you're one funny group! 
"Listen to music"-- Going to a Nickelback concert this weekend, join me? 
"Watch movies" -- Redbox and I are on a first name basis. 
"Just Chill" -- I'm unemployed, no car with only a high school education and no prospects at a future. I can only afford to "chill". 

2. Theatrics

      Ladies, we have a terrible reputation of being over the top. Yea ok, maybe we over react in a few inappropriate situations. Here is what I have to say about that...get the f**k over it fellas. Blame evolution for the unfortunate combination of hormones that swirl inside of us! Seriously though, guys who feel the need to say "NO DRAMA" in bold letters, all caps and surrounded with an abundance of punctuation, annoy me. The average woman does not live their life like the "Bad Girl's Club" television show. We HATE drama just as much as you guys. Not to mention, do you think a woman is going to read your warning and think, "Well shit, I do love to create drama, so I guess this guy is not for me, he clearly is not into that kind of thing". Yea, no. We don't do that.

3. Under & Over Confidence

      Time and time again science has told the dating world that woman like a man with confidence. Even a hot girl will go for an average looking guy if he is confident in his own skin. However, the catch is not to be OVER confident. We do not respond well to things like:

"Women call me a god, they kiss the ground I walk on. Oh and if you're not a Victoria Secret model, a size 2 with D tits, do not bother messaging me" 

Or

"Women intimidate me 90% of the time. I guess I am a fun guy to be around. Not sure what I want from here, but I'm not expecting much of anything anyways. 

Try to avoid those kind of things in your profiles guys. We want to believe that you're a good man. Who has redeemable qualities like taking care of puppies or helping a blind woman across the street. Not that you're a Jersey Shore wannabe who wants to knock up a Snookie look-a-like or hide behind your Star Trek comic book collection and action figures.
*Note: A comic book or action figure collection is bad ass...JUST don't be ashamed about it, embrace your interests because, NERDS RULE!*

Seriously, I do. 

Till next time! Happy Hunting!

Carry-on Bag

It's a lazy Saturday afternoon as it rains and storms in beautiful Southern California. So what is someone to do on a day like this? Oh you know, talk to random people online about nothing at all. Really, the guys online are annoying me. So to make my life more enjoyable I like to mess with guys who think they are spitting the best game they have at me, when all they're doing is making a mess.

Anyways, this guy asks...

"You into packing white guy?"

I respond...

"As long as it fits into my carry-on bag. Luggage fees are outrages these days!"

He left shortly after that...

Come on fellas! Making sexual advances is not the way into a woman's heart. Maybe it is for an immature little girl who has yet to find her self-respect, but not for this woman.

As Jay-Z so famously put it..."On to The Next One"!

Ha! Get it? ;) 

TA-TA FOR NOW! :)

Pizza Face

Morning!

Let me start off this short post with a quick background on my personal preference in men...at least physically. I am a mixed, half black & white woman. I only date white men. Yes, yes make all the judgments and comments you want, I've gotten it all.

Now, I always get the question from men, "Why do you only date white guys?" and my standard response is something along the lines of, "The same reason you like a particular kind of pizza over another...you just do".

So I get a message this morning asking the "Why do you only date white guys?", I send my standard response...and this is what he tells me...

 "Hope you like pepperoni on your white men! I have lots of acne...lol. jk."

Yea...that's not cute. I responded with "lol". You know the universal response that means 'I have no idea what to say right now'? ...Awkward! 

Pet Peeves

I've been at this online dating game for...uh too long. Over the years I've seen the same general things come up that drive me bonkers (yea, that's right I just dropped that word). Here are my top 4 online dating message fails...

1. Grammar


You know when a status/tweet is riddled with grammatical errors that would make any educated soul cringe in frustration? Yea well, it's even more annoying when you get a message from a potential mate and he just can't seem to get a hold of the English language. Sometimes I've thought "....well maybe English is his 2nd language?". Now, I am not saying I have flawless grammar. My grammar Nazi ex-boyfriend can attest to that. BUT, it's a real turn off when someone doesn't know the difference between 'their/there/they're', or spells 'boring' as 'boaring'...yes that happened. 


2. One Word Messages 


This drives me INSANE! Especially, when it is the first message from someone. How am I suppose to engage in a conversation when they only say "Hi". It's like those awkward few seconds when you're stuck in an elevator with someone. You know those situations where you awkwardly smile at the person and say "Hi" as if that's the socially acceptable thing to do? Yea...awkward. That's how I feel. 
You know what though?  They were probably browsing around and were swept away by my stellar smile and became speechless (lol). GAH! At least come up with a clever pick up line, maybe something like...
"Do you have any Gallifreyan in you? No? Do you want some?"--Eh, eh, Doctor Who? Anyone, anyone? Ok fine..moving on...


3. Weed/Alcohol/Gangster References 


Really? Some of these fellas really think the way to a woman's heart is through illegal activity & substances. Well shit, when did I miss that memo? A couple weeks ago I had a guy message me (who btw, also successfully completed the first two pet peeves) who's default image was his "perscription" weed bottle, with his wonderfully colored bong. The next image was his can of Four Locos and the last one? I'm pretty sure he was faded with his friends. Also, their profile only says something along the lines of "YOLO". So apparently they're living their life to the fullest as they slowly (yet surely) kill off all their brain cells. Yea no, I'm good on that one. Thanks for the message though. 
(Fun fact: I just learned that YOLO means 'you only live once'. I think that I need to accept that once you're into your mid-twenties you start to fall behind on the cool lingo of the times.)


And finally...


4. Copy & Paste.


Thank you computer engineering geniuses who came up with that one. You made this world so much better with just the click of the control (or command) button. However, you also made a new age of lazy ass non-creative bums. Yes boys, we can tell when you copy and pasted (is that a word?) that message over 100 times to every cute woman you found on the website. I especially love when I get the same copy & paste message from a guy multiple times. My sister called someone out on their mishap yesterday, he was quite taken a back when she pointed it out. He was embarrassed, she laughed and blocked him. HA. 
_________


Do you agree with these? Do you have any stories or pet peeves that drive you up the wall and lose hope in humanity for a split second? LET ME KNOW! <3

Joker?

Hello everyone,

Since I am newly single, I figured I should start up the online dating profile again to start laughing at the pool of fish out there and give you some new reading material.

I'm getting flooded with messages. Only 10% of these messages are even remotely attractive and I would even consider dating. 30% need to just invest their time and effort into a hooker to take care of their sexual needs. The remaining 60% are hideous. Here is a sample of what I get most of the time...










This gentlemen (Joker? Gangster in disguise?) sent me a message this morning and it simply said
"your yummy".

I was just  annoyed, for lack of better words. He doesn't even have the decency to use proper grammar, capitalization OR punctuation! The nerve!

More to come soon...I hope ;)

Big Brother.

Hello everyone,

I was talking to my sister today and we were reminiscing on our best online dating stories. We came to the conclusion that we need to make our own online dating website. So far, we only have two features planned:

1. Site name to be determined, but our introduction will say something like:                                             

            --"Yes, we screen your messages, we admit this is a bit big brother-ish,  but every female deserves a     

                a big brother" 

    2.  Block: Ladies, are you tired of the messages that go something like this...

--"Hey baby, hru. wyn?" (Which I found out later, translates to "How are you? What's your number?)

--"Yo ma, u so sexxxxiiiiiii!!!!!!"

--"Hey sexy, you know all you want to do is f**k me" (yes, I have received this message before), 

          Or think of any other variation of rude, inappropriate, and demeaning messages you have received in          
          the past from boys.

         We're sick of these messages too. So our block option would include a message sent to the
         douchebag that will say:

"You have been blocked from sending any more messages to women. You have proven to be a piece of shit, thanks for playing!" 

That is all for now. Any other features you would want to include?Anything you've always wanted to change about a dating website after coming to terms that there may not be any decent men left in the world (for the record, there are, trust me...)? 

LET ME KNOW! =) 

Till next time, happy hunting! 

Twenty Bucks

For the record, I have discontinued all online dating, I was sick and tired of scum. However,I do like to dabble into my friend's dating lives.

This next post comes from a nice fellow who messaged my sister, on Plentyoffish.com. Here is the message:

"So, obviously you passed the aesthetics test or shallow men (such as myself) would never contact you, but a buddy of mine was looking over my should and claimed that - without a doubt - your profile looked to have been written by a guy since its just too perfect, minus the incompletion. He claimed that any account with so little information is a dead giveaway. I came to your defense, of course, but now we've got a $20 bet going as to whether or not you're real or not. So I wonder, just between us, am I about to lose $20??"

I took matters into my own hands and responded:

"Thanks for “coming” to my defense but I do not need anything from someone who is a self proclaimed, generic; jersey shore douche bag, who likely has the personality of a goldfish and only brings in shallow whores that probably give you herpes by the end of the night. So how about you and your pathetic side kick do yourselves a favor and jerk each other off? That way you won’t lose a dime. Clearly, you’re looking for a man to rock your world anyways, since you are too blind to notice real women when it is, literally, in front of your face." 

Oh the beauties of online dating :)

Happy hunting!

Online Dating is like an unexpected and very long game of Monopoly.