Sunrise Special

Hey everyone, 

Been pretty mellow in my dating life…as in no action at all. lol. BUT I do have a nice message I recieved today for you…

Background: my profile clearly states what age frame of men I want…32 is the highest I’ll go…I also say…”I do not care how experienced you are…do not message me if you’re over 32, otherwise you’ll get a nice response from me back.” meaning, I won’t be nice. lol. 

So I get a message from this 55 year old, white dude. His message title is “I’ll be your exception”. Ok, cool. Already I’m annoyed but I read the message so I can respond accordingly…here is what he said…The parentheses are my inserted thoughts. lol. 

Hey baby girl…(ew, my Dad calls me that)

I read your profile and are very beautiful and I love ambitious women. I also saw that you only talk to men under 32. I’m 55 but I have the stamina of a 30 year old. The little boys around you have nothing on me. I’m a successful business man (who’s probably cheated on his wives and been divorced 6 times) and own many properties across the country. I love younger women because they are always full of life and drive (previous theory confirmed). I hope you message me back so I can treat you like a princess. 

*raises eyebrow* Re-reads… Really. This is just so wrong on sooooo many levels.

First of all….my DAD is younger than you…this is how the conversation with my Dad would go…“so this guy I’m dating already has his AARP card, maybe you guys can get the sunrise special at Cocos together and get to know your future son-in-law” I don’t think that would do over well. 

Second, “…stamina of a 30yr old”…I’m sorry dude but unless you’re an Olympic athlete I highly doubt that…not to mention the thought of anything intimate  with you makes me want to throw up my bodily fluids…and organs, ew.

Third, so these properties you own across the country, I’m assuming you have women stashed away at all of them so your double life doesn’t get revealed? Awesome, at least you think ahead, most cheaters and creepers don’t ;). 

Finally, I’m no princess mo’ fo’, I’m the gosh darn QUEEN and I say “OFF WITH HIS HEAD!!” 

I wanted to send a long winded message but instead I said… “dude, find someone your age, because no one my age, who has class, confidence and self worthy, wants your wrinkly, desperate self. Have a nice life…whats left of it”. 

Oh online dating how you push my buttons!

They even give you a complimentary hat!